my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
