just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
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Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
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He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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