just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
