You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
