Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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