so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
