I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
In America we eat man semen.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
