nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I want to walk on stilts...naked
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
