She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
