i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
