I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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