Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
