I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
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