we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
