So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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