Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm always down for nudity.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
