we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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