I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Your dad touched me again.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
