Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
