grandma shit on top of the toilet
accomplished twins. life is a go
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
They are going to name an STD after you.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
