Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
