i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
