you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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