My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Randomize
