Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
