Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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