He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
