Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
