No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
