either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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