i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
