We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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