My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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