i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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