she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
