video games are the ultimate cock blocker
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
