i think my tv is drunk
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
