my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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