And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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