true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
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I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
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You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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