Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
