If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
