OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I think I won the penis lottery.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
