google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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