I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You pole danced in your parka.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
