i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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