the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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