That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
