Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
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