when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
How external is "for external use only"?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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