did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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