She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
You're like the curious george of whores
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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