her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
God I need to hump something, right now.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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