We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
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You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
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you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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