Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
