my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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