I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
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