Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
