Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
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