I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
