just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
