So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
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I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
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If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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