I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
