I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
