so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
