Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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