nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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