well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
