Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
