Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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