Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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