I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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