areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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