Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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