New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
